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Ms Sowter says if you are going to dive into FDS, try to just take away what works for you. "I consider myself to be a woman who is currently not looking for anything serious and should the opportunity arise, I am open towards having a one-night stand or a friends-with-benefits." Jenny says in her experience, you don't have to fully agree with everything in the FDS handbook to still benefit from it. "When it becomes a survival game, then that's a negative scenario." Advice for using FDS The energy you put in is the energy you will get back. She says it's OK to treat dating as a game, as long as it's fun and kind. "We want to date in a way that's safe and we're treated well, but movements really suck in vulnerable and angry people, and they kind of fuel those feelings."
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"It's a human tendency to want to protect ourselves, and understand how to relate to people. She says women attracted to Female Dating Strategy have likely had bad dating experiences in the past. Ruth Sowter is a sex, love and relationship coach in Melbourne. Whether that's a good thing or not will depend on your personal view.
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Read more Should dating be considered a game?ĭr van der Nagel says FDS is trying to "beat the boys at their own game". "Men want to feel as if they have to work to earn your love and if they aren't treating you in line with your standards from the very beginning, they never will." " helped me realise that a lot of men are still hard-wired to love the chase and don't always respect women who are easy to win over by taking control. "While I do consider myself a modern, feminist woman, I can't say the modern approach of taking the initiative of asking out a guy has always worked out for me. Jenny says while she doesn't agree with all of FDS's beliefs, it has helped shift her perspective about men. "It doesn't leave any room for women who do want to sleep around - which is a perfectly fine way to approach dating if you are a woman whose enjoyment of dating comes from casual hooks-ups with men or other women." "It is a space for monogamy and heteronormativity. "This is a subreddit that has a limited perspective on what women want, how they work and what their goals and aims are. "The idea is it's geared towards women who are seeking healthy relationships - and that sounds like a positive thing," says Dr van der Nagel.īut she says it's a valid criticism the group is only advancing a specific version of female dating. Other themes that hint at the subreddit's sexually conservative nature include disapproval of consensual BDSM and watching porn. Not having sex before commitment has been established.As a woman, you don't have to prove yourself to him A man's role is to be the pursuer, the one to convince you that he's the right man for you. Being a "high value" woman - one who doesn't revolve her life around men, with her own career and hobbies.(People will upvote relevant content and downvote that which is irrelevant.) That's typical for a successful subreddit, explains Dr van der Nagel, who says they benefit from being specific about what is allowed. Subscribers are encouraged to read the FDS Handbook before posting, and are warned any posts contradicting the group's ideology will be removed. "We discuss how to maintain a healthy relationship that benefits you," the bio states. Read more What is Female Dating Strategy?įemale Dating Strategy encourages women to "level-up" and seek a "high-value man" who will treat them like a queen. While it's helped Jenny stop settling for toxic men, FDS's entrenched ideologies mean it's not a safe space for everyone. It treats dating and relationships as a game." "The pick-up artist mindset and goal is really to turn the pursuit of women into a game - assuming it has specific rules and women behave in certain ways that are ripe for exploitation.
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She says the easiest way to understand FDS is to think of it as a reaction to the phenomenon of 'pick-up artistry'. That's a strong subscriber base considering all members are women and Reddit is a male-dominated space, says Dr Emily van der Nagel, a lecturer in social media at Monash University. The female-only forum on social media platform Reddit has 100,000 subscribers and describes itself as a place to discuss effective dating strategies for women. "Being able to connect with other women on the forum helped me understand that I subconsciously seek out guys who are not right for me." "When I first started reading the posts on FDS, I felt very empowered. "I've often believed I have to change, and accept whatever is thrown my way," the 36-year-old says.ĭiscovering the subreddit Female Dating Strategy (FDS) helped her take control of her love life. For a long time, Jenny thought she was to blame for men treating her badly.